Small victory!

Guess what?!

I mowed the freakin' lawn. Yeah. ME! Lol. (Well, the back lawn.)

I know, you're all probably like, uh, so what?! It's not like you found a cure for cancer or won the Tour de France!

And I know it's soooooooo silly, but I grew up not having any chores or being taught any real world skills. Which isn't to say that I didn't help out at all - because I definitely did, but nobody taught us about lawnmowers or how to mow a lawn. Which is kind of a somewhat valuable skill, don't you think? Lol. At the very least it's a basic skill that even a non-handy person like myself should wield.

I really didn't want to let the grass get too long and I fought with Josh over the phone, actually, on this subject, haha. He lectured me and told me that we could hire someone to do the lawn, etc, and that I'm pregnant and shouldn't be exerting myself. He was pretty damn adamant about me not mowing the lawn. Which I can understand... but.

I mean, I may be pregnant, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit around the house all day not doing anything. I have to learn  these things. In fact, I want to learn these things. I want to learn what I should have learned years ago. I wish I had been taught sewing and crocheting/knitting at a younger age. I wish someone had taught me the basics of lawn mowers (lol), cause it would've saved me the hassle of figuring it out all by myself! Josh is amazing that he wants to fully take care of me/us and he always drills the point that he doesn't want us to have to do that kind of thing, isn't that what a real man is all about? Making sure his family is well cared for? But I also need to do things myself, too. I love that he is so concerned about that, but if I am to grow as a person, I just gotta learn. I don't want Cam growing up with the influence that moms or women, rather, shouldn't have to lift a finger. Or shouldn't learn how to manage a lawn or garden, or even simple maintenance duties that go along with that. I want to be as strong a leader as Josh is, and set a good example for her. My mom, I mean of course I love her and everything (even though growing up with her was like hell at times), and even though she likes to call herself independent, she can't seem to do anything without a man. Like, mow her lawn for instance lol. Or even rearrange furniture. I grew up with that influence... and I have to break away from that.

Josh and I even talked about how kids have a "monkey see monkey do" attitude and will inherit fears and habits from parents. My mom in particular (sorry mom, I don't mean to pick on you) was the kind of driver that was terrified of any road that was unfamiliar. If she took a wrong turn it was the end of the world. She would freak out, panic, swear up a storm, blame us kids, curse my medical problems for making her drive me anywhere, etc. She wouldn't drive to Tacoma, refused to drive anywhere out of her comfort zone, was afraid of driving in busy traffic, unless of course, there was a man at the wheel. If I had an important doctor appointment in Tacoma for my epilepsy (and this goes for my brother too) she would cancel and reschedule until someone could drive so she wouldn't have to.

 I don't want to be like that. 

When I first started driving, I was very much like my mom. I didn't like driving in the unfamiliar, I was terrified of Bremerton. Isn't that sad? Now, I LOVE driving. I basically realized that if and when I flipped out I was acting like a carbon copy of my mother and I didn't want to be like that behind the wheel. I sure as hell don't want to be like that in front of MY KIDS. I don't want to instill that kind of fear into them, that driving is a nightmare and a stressful thing. It CAN be, most certainly, and there are times when driving can be flat out dangerous. But you really shouldn't sweat the small stuff. If I miss a turn, I'm like okay well, whatever. Next exit then. No biggie. Nobody likes getting lost, or missing a turn, or being late for something (which is why I always leave faaar early in advance, and Josh laughs at me but I know if I get lost it won't be a big deal if I do). Freaking out and fearing that kind of stuff only makes the problem worse, and fearing something as simple as getting to point a to point b just bloats that fear irrevocably, in my opinion.

I just don't want my kids to grow up with a stressful mom; I don't want to push my fears onto them. Even if there was a situation where I didn't want to drive somewhere, I sure as heck won't show them how terrified I would be on the inside. Life is all about learning experiences anyway. If I didn't get out of my comfort zone and learn the roads of this city, I wouldn't be able to do anything but stay at home. And where's the fun in that? I sure as heck didn't think I could drive to the base, access the right gate, and find my doctor clinic (GPS doesn't work on base here), but Josh showed me and the next day I did it all by myself. Like it I hadn't attempted the lawn mower, I would be down one less skill today. I want my kids to grow up brave, knowledgeable, and assertive. I want them to know they can do things for themselves. That it feels better when you complete a task by yourself. They don't have to wait around for someone else, or a man, or panic if they make a mistake and hit a wrong turn. When you start fearing every little thing, or I suppose, just sit back and let others do it for you, you really aren't challenging yourself. I want to challenge our kids, and I want them to challenge me, too.

Phew, I wasn't expecting to be so long winded. I'm sorry. LOL. Anyway, I guess I'm just happy that I completed the backyard. Sure it's patchy in some areas where the mower hit a few snags (push mowers hurt when you aren't on even terrain lol) but even for an amateur job, it's still way better looking than what it looked like before.

I'm really not sure how I'll manage the front yard though. We might just have to hire someone for that part since I can't have Cam out front with me and mow at the same time; I can't and won't let Cam out of my sight for even a second otherwise she will run to the sidewalk, or try and sneak off  to the road. So so frustrating when I'm just trying to weed or water the lawn. I did the backyard just 'cause I wanted to see if I could do it lol. Plus Cam is safe in the backyard with me and Desoto. In the end, I'm glad Josh got the push mower. I definitely wouldn't be able to do any of it with Cam since she is pretty darn scared of the vacuum lol and that's not even 1/10 as loud as the gas mower. Plus, I like having all 5 senses aware of everything around me. Makes it easier to mow with a baby with me. :)

Okay I'll shut up now lol. I know I'm being lame haha. Even though I was basically a Christine-shaped sweat-stain in the end, I was proud. And exhausted. Lol. It was worth it though, even for the learning experience alone. I am pretty sore today... but exercise is good. And you know what's weird?

I LIKED IT. Mowing the lawn, and weeding, it's kind of fun for me. Am I just weird?

PHEW! I'll go away now! Haha. Here are some recent pictures! :)

Josh update: Josh is doing okay everyone! He's a little stressed out from the work load, and his eye feels a bit funny (and twitchy) but otherwise, he's okay. He's been making tons and tons of flashcards to remember all the little details and he said classes are really interactive which is fun for him; he says the teachers go over everything very thoroughly so no one is left with unanswered questions, etc. He said it's really nice that the teachers care and are available 24/7 for them if they have questions, I can imagine that would take away any potential for more stress. Cause nobody wants a strict angry mean teacher! Lol. Apart from missing us and that stuff, he is doing good. Hopefully his eye twitchyness will go away! He said it's lasted the last couple days and is a big nuisance for his studies. I think it's probably just that he's straining his eyes too much from reading. I told him to take breaks now and then! Which he does, but he says if it doesn't die down this week he'll have to go get it checked out. We're really rooting for him though. And I make sure he knows that our families are really supportive of him and thinking about him LOTS! 

                                                            Happy morning cuddles!

Yum, grilled cheese on whole wheat for lunch! (and mushy green beans, not pictured lol)

LOL! Insert Cookie Monster noises.

Har har! The dog thinks he'll get something!

Whaaaat? Why are you gagging mom, don't you like green beans?

The look you get when you tell you 100lb dog to stop acting like a 5lb dog.

Just loungin'

Aww someone's getting tired.

I love this beautiful lady!

Don't worry Ma, I'm watching these bananas for you.

Hey get back here you promised me a candy bar for behaving at the store! (not really, haha)

New shovel for Farmer Cam!

Alright let's go outside and test this baby out, Ma.

                                                 MOOOOMMM. Let's go outside!!

New favorite! Lol. She's like yeah, I own him.

She sure likes to attempt headstands.

Desoto: Mom, she is acting so.. uncivilized.

Oh my word, the cuteness!

I don't wanna get up Ma. Bring me breakfast in bed.

                                                  She loves her new books haha.

                                               Would anyone care for some cakes?

Mmm plastic cake.

Dragging around daddy's belt lol.

                        If I stand perfectly still, Mom won't see me and confiscate the belt...

                                                  Where's Camilla? Oh there you are!

Lol and she would walk into things... but she loved it.

                                           Hey who turned off the lights?!

She climbed up into there. I think she was trying to say that it was bedtime.

Bye everyone! Cam says thanks for reading Mommy's silly thoughts!

Hehe hey look the lawn! Needs edging but that's another battle to fight later lol. Also, I think Desoto is laughing at me. He must be chuckling over the more recent poop bombs I have to pick up. Thanks so much, Desoto!