HOLY CRAP. I can't believe it! It feels like only yesterday we first brought her home, exhilerated to FINALLY be out of that darn hospital and into the comfortable surroundings of the homestead... which was a total disaster by the way. But our focus was on the baby, and reuniting with our loveable Desoto, who according to Josh, missed me terribly.
One thing I've learned about having a baby -- paranoia intensifies by about one thrillion percent. Everything is a threat. That annoying fly buzzing around, the dog bone laying in the middle of the floor that someone could slip and fall on, cars driving down the street... do they have to drive so fast? What if they crash into the house? What if I need to take Camilla somewhere and she starts crying and I can't console her because she has to sit in the backseat in a rear-facing carseat? What if a spider crawls into her crib? What if the state floods Noah's Ark style and we have to escape? What if the Zombie Apocalypse starts?! Do we have enough food stored away to survive an apocalypse?
And on and on, to the point of exhaustion. I'm still worrying about her, and I know I will be for the rest of my life. Boy, being a parent sure is tiring. BTW--love you mom, dad, and grams -- the things I must have put you through... sheesh! The other night while rocking Camilla to sleep, I actually cried thinking about how much I didn't want to let her down as a parent. I promised her I would do my very best to protect her from the rotten things in this world, but alas, I cannot keep her protected in a bubble her whole life. I will however, do my best to teach her right from wrong and give her the proper tools and knowledge to better defend herself when she's older. Besides, with her dad, she'll be guns and weapon-savvy so *hopefully* she'll be kicking ass and taking names. :)
On that paranoia note, we have the AngelCare baby monitor system - they are the pricier variety of baby monitors and although expensive, VERY worth it. They pick up EVERYTHING... and I mean everything. If an airplane flies near her room, I can hear it. Heck, it even picks up Desoto's click-clacking toe nails from the hall when he walks by her room. On top of that, the monitors will issue a warning ring if it detects something wrong with baby's breathing or movement patterns. It puts me more at ease, but I still worry anyway. Camilla's mostly been sleeping in her rock and play sleeper because it's portable and if I take a nap on the couch, she can be right next to me taking her nap as well. I guess I'm just paranoid (there's that word again) that I won't hear her if she cries over the monitor from her crib since I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. I think paranoia will always win the battle.
Tomorrow is Josh's last day of 'maternity leave' (lol), or should it be called paternity leave? I'm a little worried about doing every little thing on my own... he's been such a HUGE help. With him around, the dishes are always done, my water mug is always filled, and he makes sure I'm always comfortable. Could not have asked for a better man. I really don't deserve him.
He's also fantastic with Camilla. It's very cute and sweet just watching him hold her, talk to her, cuddle her, play with her, lay in his lap while he plays Call of Duty at his computer... it's wonderful, and I'm so happy they can bond while mommy gets her morning nap in. It's amusing to me how much she looks like him. Especially when comparing his baby pictures to how she looks now. The lips, especially, and the round eyes. My mom thinks she'll grow up looking more like me, but I disagree... I think it may be wishful thinking on her part, but she definitely looks like him. His "twin" as the Mother and Baby Ward nurse exclaimed when she wheeled Cam back in from Newborn Testing. I had to concur. I'm not disappointed, not in the least. With only 1/4 Filipino in there, I knew she wasn't going to be totally dark-featured, although I do hope she keeps the dark hair. :) That's my only wish. Either way, we know she'll be gorgeous!
And on to Postpartum life in general... who KNEW how complicated life after birth would be?! The bleedng, the ginormous pads you have to wear, the NEW aches and pains and cramps... geeze! It's almost as uncomfortable as the end of third trimester pregnancy. When you find it rough to just sit down... or stand up... or even try to go to the bathroom... on top of caring for a baby, crap, how did women do this back in the day? I cannot imagine having to endure this in the Medieval period, or the Cave Man era. Ha! Having endured all this, no offense to the men out there, but we females are far FAR superior. Not me in particular, no, I'm simple and ordinary, and totally wussed out at the hospital -- I demanded that epidural.
I'm talking about the women who have carried out generations upon generations of human survival -- without hospitals, epidurals, medical attention, or even heating and air conditioning! Good job ladies, the human race wouldn't be around today without you.
I shall end this blog entry with a few pictures of the cutie pie, because for one, she is the cutest cutie pie EVER, and two, I can't stop taking pictures of her. And pictures are meant to be shared.
Best friends in the making?
Hey lady, stop singing to me. You can't sing on key!
'The Thinker' pose.
Did I just poop?
Yeah, that definitely was a poop.
Still pooping. Have fun changing this one!
((Awww loook at that tuft of hair on her left side haha!))
She has the silliest facial expressions!
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